It is and it does. It hurts and tears at him but it's -- it's also nice. It reminds him of a time when he was really, really fucking happy and it's bad and good.

"Yeah." He smiles at Chuck, a little glimmer of his old self. "Let's get a little closer, see them light the tree, then we can hit up the booth and see where they need us." He nudges Chuck's arm a little.

"Can sneak some of the cider, too." Like they're young and free and like it's okay and nothing is wrong.