simplepuzzle | Under The Mistletoe

"Raleigh I love you so fucking much it's ridiculous," Chuck explains, stabbing a piece of lamb. "I'm not saying that maybe it didn't look otherwise, and maybe I need to remind you that I do sometimes. What can I do?"

He can bring flowers, he can be more romantic to Raleigh.

"Just.."

He exhales.

"Acknowledge I exist. I know Yancy is easier and calmer and I'm a pain in the ass. I just don't want to be the annoying little brother tagging along anymore."

"You're not a pain in the arse!" He can't fight him on the 'calmer' part, but..."And he's not easier, you're just...different. I go to you for different things." He turns to Yancy for back up on this.

"Is there something you'd wish I do with you that I do with Raleigh?"

Yancy looks between them and shifts, leaning back in his chair.

"Off the top of my head, no. But if something comes up, I'll tell you. Okay?"

"Good."

But he was going somewhere else with it and he got distracted. He turns back to Raleigh. "I guess it never occurred to me that it might look like I was picking him over you in some things, I never really saw it as preference, just--who was closest. Who said something first." Which isn't the best excuse, and neither is he blaming Yancy.

Raleigh nods.

"I get it. I'm sorry. I just..that's how it felt sometimes."

He picks at his shirt.

"Like today when you got out of the car and just..held him. It made me think you missed him more. Like I just sort of came as a package."

"I spent the car ride clinging to you," Chuck points out, but he's trying to understand. "I hadn't got the chance to hug him yet."

He has a few bites of chicken, thinking of how best to phrase things without putting blame on Raleigh or making it seem like he's trying to not do any changing.

"...He's really good at hugging," he admits, smiling kind of sheepishly at Yancy. "I want to be close to you because I love you. Yance just--knows the right way to hold you, have you noticed that?" And he has to kick Raleigh under the table, if lightly. "Dummy. If you were only part of the package I would have stayed with him when you left us." us, he keeps saying, because that's what Raleigh did. He hadn't just left Chuck because he was jealous of Yancy, he'd left the both of them.

Raleigh has to laugh.

"Yeah. Yancy gives...really fucking amazing hugs."

Yeah he gets it. There's a flicker of irritation on his face, but it fades.

"I know. I'm just..putting it out there."

He's always said 'us' because he never saw it as a V. He doesn't want to keep drumming it into Raleigh's head how much he hurt the both of them, just that it's always been all of them. All or nothing, for Chuck.

"Okay. I mean, I don't know what I can do to help. What can I do?" It's an honest question. He wants this to work.

"I think.."

Yancy interrupts and taps his chin.

"I think that we all just need to be honest. No secrets. I love you both. You both love me. We all love each other. Openness is the only way this will work."

"But it has to be more than that," Chuck argues. "I mean--do I stop spending as much time with you? I thought we were all pretty even but if Raleigh's feeling left out...and then if I spend more time with him, where does that leave you?"

It's not enough to just know what bothers one another, they have to work to fix behavior without...just giving in.

"It's..different now, Chuck. I realize I was being an idiot."

Raleigh runs a hand through his hair.

"If I feel like it's happening, I'll tell you."

"Being an idiot doesn't have to mean how you feel isn't valid," he points out.

"I just--" He doesn't want to make him leave again.

"I know it's valid. But I'm still an idiot."

Small smile.

"You'll just have to try and trust me. I'll earn it back."

"I wanna try to trust you, Raleigh."

It's just going to take a lot of work. It's going to be slow going.

...maybe they shouldn't move back in all at once.

He nods.

That's the best they can do.

Chuck's just so unsure about starting this up again on a 'trust me' basis--He's going to be jumping at every other wince Raleigh makes, going to be so nervous and....damn insecure because he can't watch Raleigh walk away from them again.

It might kill him, he thinks.

There's nothing else Raleigh can give him. He's out of things to admit and apologize for. If Chuck wants more then he doesn't know what to do. He's said and given all he can. Now he just has to prove it.

Chuck doesn't really know either.

...but he's got his guys back, so. It's a start.

It is a start.

And they'll work through it. Raleigh and Yancy have to go back because work calls, they're in a joint project together that was gracious enough to allow them to take a few days leave.

But skype dates...those are okay, right?

Yes, the space is probably good this soon in the new-old relationship.

...

And all of this means he has to tell Herc all of what's been going on, doesn't it.

He probably should, yes. Herc would probably like a clue in.

Though he's probably going to give looks and raise his brows at the idea of Chuck being in a threesome with two brothers.

Well you can raise as many eyebrows as you want Herc, Chuck's going to be with who he wants.

....but yeah it's why he's been so out of sorts these past couple months.

Jesus Christ. Brothers? What the fuck, Chuck.

God you give him a headache. Are you three out? Oh God the media stir-

They weren't hiding it, but they're not all out holding hands together. Chuck hates closets, he'll be on public dates with both of them and if anyone asks he'll point to the wikipedia definition of polyamory and leave it at that.

They don't need to know the details.

Can't you just be happy for him.

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