It's been a while....

[simplepuzzle]

 It's been five years since Chuck left. Left his home, left his dad, left his dog, left Raleigh. 

And he hasn't looked back.

Because if he looked back he'd have to think about what he's left behind and if he thinks about it he'd have to do something about it. But it didn't work and they tried, they tried so hard. And it didn't make a damn bit of difference, so Chuck...throws himself into school. And he tries. 

Occasionally, he tries to date. A girl here, a guy there. Every time he tries to make an effort at a relationship it ends with a lot of anger. Chuck's not really good at this. Nothing's compared to Raleigh, and Chuck's not sure he'll ever have something like it again. And he refuses to settle. 
Love isn't everything. Chuck focuses on school. It's okay. 

And he's good. He's really good. That and the occasional one night stand satisfies him. 

And then he gets a call from Herc. Yancy's been in an accident. He's broken a few limbs, and he hasn't woken up. Herc isn't saying he should come back, and Chuck's been staring at Raleigh's number when Mako calls him. 
He needs you. 
Come home. 

Comments

[unbreachable]

He sort of leans forward on his knees, resting his face in his palms.

"If I could take it back, I would," he mutters.

He feels like he's being blamed all over again and he just --

"Take me to the hospital. Please."

Even if Yancy's in a coma, he's gotta see him. Talk to him, even if he can't respond.

[simplepuzzle]

Jesus, he was never blaming him, not really. They were miserable, there was nothing to he done.

"...I'm getting you something to eat before I let you go in." There's a couple places that do decent takeaway.

[unbreachable]

It feels like Chuck's blaming him.

It's your fault we broke up--

The words ring in his head and he just -- wants to get out of the car and he should've taken a cab.

"There's a McDonald's on the way." It's muttered, and he looks away, out the window.

[simplepuzzle]

Fine, 'fault' was a poor choice of words. It was Raleigh's choice. His decision.

"Is there anything better? The point is that you don't have to eat crap." He's not leaving you with a Big Mac and fries, Raleigh.

He should probably just shut up, though, let Raleigh do what he wants because Chuck doesn't have any place his life any more. He can't seem to remember that.

[unbreachable]

Raleigh is so tired and emotionally drained he doesn't want to argue.

"Subway."

Is a sub acceptable? He can eat half now, half later.

[simplepuzzle]

"Fine." Chuck will pull up in front of Subway and turn the car off.

He remembers another reason why he left for good other than his new life. The thought of being around Raleigh was too painful. He thought he could ignore that when he came back, if he was just there to help, but.

N o p e.
"I'll wait."

[unbreachable]

He makes himself get up, get out of the car and goes inside to get something to eat. He comes out with a turkey sub for himself, chips, as well as Chuck's favorite, because neither of them had eaten at the actual restaurant.

"Can eat it later, if you want."

He sets the bag in the backseat, leans back in his seat and drags his palm over his face.

[simplepuzzle]

Dammit, Raleigh.

"I never stopped loving you either, you know," he mutters, starting the car. "You think I came back because Mako made me feel guilty? I came back because I knew you were going to make yourself sick trying to do the right thing and staying by his bed. And feeling guilty, i don't even know the full details but I know you feel guilty because Yancy's in that bed and you're not." He's gripping the steering wheel tight, eyes ahead because he's driving and he can't afford to be distracted by Raleigh. "I know you, Becket, and I know you're going to fuck your own life up trying to keep everyone else's going and if I can't be here, just--let someone help." He pulls up by the hospital and affords a scowl over at Raleigh.

[unbreachable]

...Fucking hell.

He wants Chuck back so badly it hurts and if this keeps up he's going to do the worst thing in the world and fucking cry and there's no way he wants to do that in front of Chuck.

"It should be me," he agrees hollowly, feeling sick, feeling nauseated. "I was driving, it should -- be me."

He'd rather it be him. If he could trade places, make a bargain with the devil for his soul, he'd do it. He'd do anything for Yancy to get up, to be fine, to walk away.

Chuck pulls up and Raleigh's glad, because he's on the verge of losing his shit and he feels like throwing up, just a little. He'll have to eat his Subway later because right now, his stomach is all upside down and twisted up.

"Wish -- you could be here." Is all he says, before he pushes the door open and goes to get out.

[simplepuzzle]

"I want to be," he bites out. "And Rals--you know that's survivor's guilt, right? Neither of you should have gotten hurt and it's not your fault he is." Not that he thinks his words will have any impact.

He wants to pull Raleigh back and hold him until he stops being an idiot. About them, about Yancy, about any of it.

He's just pretty sure Raleigh would pull away.

"I'm still going to be in town for a week," he mutters. "If you need--anything." He's not leaving yet. He can't.

[unbreachable]

"I was driving." It was his fault, his fault.

"You can't though. You're just -- going to leave again."

He wants Chuck to hold him, he wants Chuck to make him stop being stupid. He wants help from him, but he can't -- let Chuck in. Not when he knows he's gonna leave, knows that there's someone back in Chuck's new, fancy life (that Raleigh isn't part of) that he's fucking around with, that he's sort of seeing.

He just -- can't. He can't let himself get too comfortable with him now, only to have what was left of his heart ripped out of his chest when Chuck inevitably left again.

"Yeah, thanks."

He's not gonna call, though. Not after tonight.

[simplepuzzle]

Chuck just drives off. Raleigh doesn't want to be around him and doesn't want Chuck around. He says he wants Chuck to be there but he keeps refusing his help and his presence and....he doesn't know what to do.

He gives him space. Doesn't push.

Isn't surprised when he doesn't call. But he stays in town, because he said he would and...well he has the time off anyway and it's the holidays and he might as well stick around. He can do some work from home.

The big tree in the center of town is being lit soon. It's fun, it was something Raleigh used to drag Chuck to it. Chuck actually hated going the first year, and pretended for the others. He'd be grumpy and cranky and cold and lean into Raleigh, tucking his face into his neck to hide the smile when the lights were turned on.

He hasn't been in a few years, and isn't sure he wants to now. Herc's practically pushing him out the door though, grumbling about how if Chuck spends another night moping on the couch watching Christmas specials with Max he's going to throw him out into the snow. So he's there, clutching a cup of hot spiced wine and hanging back from the crowd.

[unbreachable]

Raleigh doesn't call Chuck; he has to foce himself not to do it, not to text him. It takes a conscious effort to not pick up the phone and just send him random texts over nothing, like he used to do.

Instead, radio silence.

Raleigh dives into taking care of things, finances and mortgages and whatever else Yancy had going on. He empties his savings account paying off any debt Yancy may have had to avoid debt collecters calling and trying to take Yancy's assets. When - when - Yancy wakes up, he wants him in perfect financial condition (even if he knows Yancy will kick his ass when he finds out everything Raleigh's done but he won't argue long because they both know if the situation were reversed, Yancy'd do the same for him).

He needs a break from that though and --- the tree is going to be lit soon and Raleigh goes every year and meets up with the people he knows frmo around the small town (almost everyone; he's a friendly man, a social being even if he hasn't really let anyone in after Chuck) and he knows that he's going to get peppered with a thousand questions and well meaning wishes and it's going ot be awkward and painful but he goes anyway.

He's holding heavily spiked cider, surrounded by smiling faces and people hugging him and it takes a monumental effort to break away and duck to the back of the crowd, hands a little shaky.

[simplepuzzle]

See--that's what Chuck was talking about, everyone fucking loves Raleigh, anyone would help him if he asked, lend him money or help him figure out how to do this without emptying his own account.

He's stamping his feet to keep the feeling in his toes when he sees the commotion--the flurry of activity, hugs and well wishes, and doesn't realize it's Raleigh until the man himself makes his escape from the crowd.

He takes a long pull of his wine and looks for a place to go hide. Maybe behind that plastic reindeer.

[unbreachable]

Raleigh would never do that, never ask for that.

He pushes out of the crowd of people, shivers when the cold hits him and gulps at his cider, ignoring the temperature of it in favor of getting the alcohol into his system. It helps a little, sends a warm twinge through him but it's still really cold outside, there's snow sticking to the ground and there's a little bit in the air if you looked close enough; tiny, white flakes that reflect the Christmas lights that hang all around the area.

A few land in his drink, but he drinks it anyway.

He looks up, meets Chuck's eyes and the surprise registers - Chuck hates this and Raleigh hadn't...expected to see him here, especially standing a few short feet away.

"...Hey."

[simplepuzzle]

No but he should accept help when people want to offer it to him.

Chuck tightens his grip around his mug. He's lived in California for the past couple of years, and doesn't have as many cold weather clothes as he should have. Gloves included. The mug's warm.

"Hey. Sorry, i didn't know you'd be here." He should go, right? This is Raleigh's territory now.

[unbreachable]

Maybe. But how easily would Chuck just accept help if offered?

"I come every year," he says, glancing over at the tree and closing the distance between them so they're not talking over three feet of awkward open space. "Tradition."

Chuck should know. He'd remember. Raleigh dragged Chuck every year, made him suffer in the cold with him, listened to his grumpiness about it. The memory makes him smile briefly.

[simplepuzzle]

It depends on how desperate he was.

"I remember." And he should have known, probably, but he thought he might be with Yancy after that last fight. "I wasn't sure you'd be here, I guess I meant."

And Raleigh's moving closer which just has Chuck narrowing his eyes because last he saw Raleigh seemed to want nothing to do with him.

[unbreachable]

Oh, he's been with Yancy. He just -- needed to get out.

...He'd been with Yancy a lot, really. After the fight he'd sort of collapsed into the chair by the bed and told him everything, poured his heart out and cried, begged Yancy to wake up and be better, but -- no response.

Please man, I need you.

"Figured I'd keep with tradition." He doesn't come close, just close enough to talk without looking crazy awkward about it. And Chuck -- Jesus, you're reading way too much into that. Raleigh never said he didn't want Chuck around or want anything to do with him.

[simplepuzzle]

He hasn't called Chuck, hasn't...

Chuck's just getting the impression that Raleigh doesn't want to be around him. He wants to be there for Raleigh, Raleigh knows that, but hasn't asked him back. So he's kept his distance, thinking Raleigh doesn't want him around.

"Any change?" He doesn't know if it's okay to ask, again, is pretty sure Raleigh's been getting asked that question a million times already just tonight but--he cares too, okay, it's not just that he cares about what this is doing to Raleigh.

[unbreachable]

It's sort of the right impression if Raleigh is honest. He -- wants Chuck around but he knows Chuck will just leave him again and he knows Chuck's kind of seeing someone so there's no point in letting himself fall back into old, familiar habits when it's going to inevitably break his heart.

What's left of it, anyway.

Raleigh can't go back with Chuck, he can't leave Yancy and he's not going to. He's got a life set up here in this small little town and he's got his brother to look out for and he can't abandon that. He loves Chuck, he does - with his heart and soul but he can't entertain the notion of them being any more than what they are right now because Chuck can (and will, when he leaves) utterly shatter Raleigh.

He polishes off his cider and glances around for a trash can and tosses it in the nearest bin before rubbing gloved hands together.

"No. It's still the same. They say no news is good news but--"

Raleigh doesn't see anything good about Yancy lying in a hospital bed, unresponsive.

[simplepuzzle]

"Yeah." Chuck remembers. He's not exactly a stranger to waiting by someone's bedside.

They can't be friends. Not after what they've had, Chuck said that before he left and they both know that. They both agreed. Which maybe was the mistake Chuck made when he came here trying to help him.

And he's not even sir he's going to call that guy back when he gets home--when he said 'sort of' he meant 'sort of'. He's seeing other people and he's not looking for anything serious. He's not going to fucking settle.

And it's been established in the car--well, the parking lot--that getting back together wouldn't be any good, remaining feelings or not. Raleigh jut assumes Chuck will leave like he did before...and he will, if they don't actually get any of this in the open in a more calm sort of discourse.

"Have they changed anything in the past five years?" He jerks his head at the tree.

[unbreachable]

The tree stands tall and proud, the city's lights a picturesque backdrop for the night. It's clear, too -- if there weren't so many lights on, the stars would be visible and if they left, went out to some of those wide open fields they used to go to when they wanted to kiss and grope and maybe fuck in the backseat and they could map them out, trace constellations with their fingers and laugh in one anothers arms.

"Yeah. They bring Santa in now." He laughs, expression brightening a little as he gestures. "More people come, too. There's supposed to be a live band and after, they'll be giving away free cups of cider for adults, alcohol free for the kids. I'm...supposed to help hand out for a little while. Want to help me?"

[simplepuzzle]

The entire party is full of nostalgia and memories for them both, changes or no, and it hurts.

Chuck's about to give up and go home. He's been talking with a couple people who remember him and it's just awkward and weird and they're staring at him like they know why Raleigh's been weird. Other than Yancy.

"...I could. Do you want me to stay?" Because if he doesn't he doesn't have to stay.

[unbreachable]

It is and it does. It hurts and tears at him but it's -- it's also nice. It reminds him of a time when he was really, really fucking happy and it's bad and good.

"Yeah." He smiles at Chuck, a little glimmer of his old self. "Let's get a little closer, see them light the tree, then we can hit up the booth and see where they need us." He nudges Chuck's arm a little.

"Can sneak some of the cider, too." Like they're young and free and like it's okay and nothing is wrong.