simplepuzzle | It's been a while....

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It's been a while....

It's been five years since Chuck left. Left his home, left his dad, left his dog, left Raleigh.

And he hasn't looked back.

Because if he looked back he'd have to think about what he's left behind and if he thinks about it he'd have to do something about it. But it didn't work and they tried, they tried so hard. And it didn't make a damn bit of difference, so Chuck...throws himself into school. And he tries.

Occasionally, he tries to date. A girl here, a guy there. Every time he tries to make an effort at a relationship it ends with a lot of anger. Chuck's not really good at this. Nothing's compared to Raleigh, and Chuck's not sure he'll ever have something like it again. And he refuses to settle.
Love isn't everything. Chuck focuses on school. It's okay.

And he's good. He's really good. That and the occasional one night stand satisfies him.

And then he gets a call from Herc. Yancy's been in an accident. He's broken a few limbs, and he hasn't woken up. Herc isn't saying he should come back, and Chuck's been staring at Raleigh's number when Mako calls him.
He needs you.
Come home.

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No but he should accept help when people want to offer it to him.

Chuck tightens his grip around his mug. He's lived in California for the past couple of years, and doesn't have as many cold weather clothes as he should have. Gloves included. The mug's warm.

"Hey. Sorry, i didn't know you'd be here." He should go, right? This is Raleigh's territory now.

Maybe. But how easily would Chuck just accept help if offered?

"I come every year," he says, glancing over at the tree and closing the distance between them so they're not talking over three feet of awkward open space. "Tradition."

Chuck should know. He'd remember. Raleigh dragged Chuck every year, made him suffer in the cold with him, listened to his grumpiness about it. The memory makes him smile briefly.

It depends on how desperate he was.

"I remember." And he should have known, probably, but he thought he might be with Yancy after that last fight. "I wasn't sure you'd be here, I guess I meant."

And Raleigh's moving closer which just has Chuck narrowing his eyes because last he saw Raleigh seemed to want nothing to do with him.

Oh, he's been with Yancy. He just -- needed to get out.

...He'd been with Yancy a lot, really. After the fight he'd sort of collapsed into the chair by the bed and told him everything, poured his heart out and cried, begged Yancy to wake up and be better, but -- no response.

Please man, I need you.

"Figured I'd keep with tradition." He doesn't come close, just close enough to talk without looking crazy awkward about it. And Chuck -- Jesus, you're reading way too much into that. Raleigh never said he didn't want Chuck around or want anything to do with him.

He hasn't called Chuck, hasn't...

Chuck's just getting the impression that Raleigh doesn't want to be around him. He wants to be there for Raleigh, Raleigh knows that, but hasn't asked him back. So he's kept his distance, thinking Raleigh doesn't want him around.

"Any change?" He doesn't know if it's okay to ask, again, is pretty sure Raleigh's been getting asked that question a million times already just tonight but--he cares too, okay, it's not just that he cares about what this is doing to Raleigh.

It's sort of the right impression if Raleigh is honest. He -- wants Chuck around but he knows Chuck will just leave him again and he knows Chuck's kind of seeing someone so there's no point in letting himself fall back into old, familiar habits when it's going to inevitably break his heart.

What's left of it, anyway.

Raleigh can't go back with Chuck, he can't leave Yancy and he's not going to. He's got a life set up here in this small little town and he's got his brother to look out for and he can't abandon that. He loves Chuck, he does - with his heart and soul but he can't entertain the notion of them being any more than what they are right now because Chuck can (and will, when he leaves) utterly shatter Raleigh.

He polishes off his cider and glances around for a trash can and tosses it in the nearest bin before rubbing gloved hands together.

"No. It's still the same. They say no news is good news but--"

Raleigh doesn't see anything good about Yancy lying in a hospital bed, unresponsive.

"Yeah." Chuck remembers. He's not exactly a stranger to waiting by someone's bedside.

They can't be friends. Not after what they've had, Chuck said that before he left and they both know that. They both agreed. Which maybe was the mistake Chuck made when he came here trying to help him.

And he's not even sir he's going to call that guy back when he gets home--when he said 'sort of' he meant 'sort of'. He's seeing other people and he's not looking for anything serious. He's not going to fucking settle.

And it's been established in the car--well, the parking lot--that getting back together wouldn't be any good, remaining feelings or not. Raleigh jut assumes Chuck will leave like he did before...and he will, if they don't actually get any of this in the open in a more calm sort of discourse.

"Have they changed anything in the past five years?" He jerks his head at the tree.

Edited 2014-01-01 20:27 (UTC)

The tree stands tall and proud, the city's lights a picturesque backdrop for the night. It's clear, too -- if there weren't so many lights on, the stars would be visible and if they left, went out to some of those wide open fields they used to go to when they wanted to kiss and grope and maybe fuck in the backseat and they could map them out, trace constellations with their fingers and laugh in one anothers arms.

"Yeah. They bring Santa in now." He laughs, expression brightening a little as he gestures. "More people come, too. There's supposed to be a live band and after, they'll be giving away free cups of cider for adults, alcohol free for the kids. I'm...supposed to help hand out for a little while. Want to help me?"

Edited 2014-01-01 20:36 (UTC)

The entire party is full of nostalgia and memories for them both, changes or no, and it hurts.

Chuck's about to give up and go home. He's been talking with a couple people who remember him and it's just awkward and weird and they're staring at him like they know why Raleigh's been weird. Other than Yancy.

"...I could. Do you want me to stay?" Because if he doesn't he doesn't have to stay.

It is and it does. It hurts and tears at him but it's -- it's also nice. It reminds him of a time when he was really, really fucking happy and it's bad and good.

"Yeah." He smiles at Chuck, a little glimmer of his old self. "Let's get a little closer, see them light the tree, then we can hit up the booth and see where they need us." He nudges Chuck's arm a little.

"Can sneak some of the cider, too." Like they're young and free and like it's okay and nothing is wrong.

This is such a bad idea.

...and confusing.

"The last time I saw you it sounded like you didn't want to see me again," he says slowly. "I'm happy to stay and help, but do you really want me here?"

......not that he'd leave, but he'd go to the other side of the park and avoid Raleigh.

Raleigh's eyes flick over Chuck before he looks at the tree then back again. He steps closer, tentatively closing some of the gap.

"I'm sorry -- that we fought. I was an asshole."

Chuck's words still ring in his ears, though--

Your fault--you broke us up--I didn't want to lose you--

"You came out here to help me and I've just -- been a dick. My heads all fucked up right now, I'm sorry. I'm probably giving you whiplash." He takes a deep breath.

"I want you here."

Chuck wants to agree with Raleigh's admission of dickishness, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut on that subject.

"Like I said, I'm here when you need me." He smiles crookedly.

"How can I help?"

He gestures up at the tree, eyes crinkling as he smiles sort of tiredly.

"Watch them light this thing with me and help me pass out drinks to half wasted adults?"

Chuck wants to lean in and kiss the corner of his eyes at those wrinkles, just to ease them.

"Sounds good." And maybe they can bury a couple hatchets. Chuck'll follow Raleigh around to the drinks. After swallowing his own cup and tossing it out.

He comes to stand next to Chuck so he can see the tree, his shoulder barely touching against Chuck's. The tree isn't lit yet, but they're starting to talk on stage about traditions and this, that and the other.

It's only through sheer force of will that he doesn't sling an arm around Chuck's shoulders and draw him in like he used to do. Even so, his gloved hand brushes against Chuck's bare one and he looks down, brow furrowing.

"Forgot gloves?"

He looks down at his bare hands and makes a face, bringing them to his face to breathe on them for warmth.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't snow a lot at hom--in Cali." His coat is too thin, too. He wasn't actually expecting to come here, came last minute and only arranged the time off when he was on the road. He threw cloths into suitcases and started driving.

He's making a note to find where Herc put away his stuff.

It's all sort of starting to hit Raleigh how fast Chuck dropped everything and came out here for him. Before, when Chuck walked into that hospital room it'd been like some kind of dream. The times after, it just...hadn't occurred to him and then they argued and now --

He feels like even more of an asshole.

Raleigh tugs his own gloves off and reaches to catch Chuck's bare ones in his, smoothing over them to give him heat.

"Take mine. I'm used to this weather. It doesn't really bother me."

This really is like whiplash. They're holding hands now and--

"Thanks." He pulls the gloves on and rubs them together. "I've got some cold weather stuff somewhere in the house, I just haven't needed it til now." He wrinkles his nose at the snow as if it's waited for him to really get comfortable.

"You moved here from Alaska, right? Isn't this shorts and t-shirt weather for you?" Chuck teases him after a moment, passing a cup to someone passing by. The wine is keeping him warm and gently fuzzy, a little readier to be casual around Raleigh instead of on edge.

"Yeah, kinda," he says with a grin. "This time of year, it snows almost every day in Anchorage. It's pretty cold here though, but not like Alaska."

The booth is really in a perfect location; they can see the tree from here and they're on the main drag - there's people passing by, picking up the cups and Raleigh's stealing one for himself when he thinks no one is looking. The snow keeps falling - light, but it's sticking.

He nudges a cup in Chuck's direction and hums Christmas carols under his breath.

Edited 2014-01-02 03:54 (UTC)

"Weirdo." Chuck grins crookedly at him.

He'll duck his head to steal a sip here and there. "Do you still come to this every year?" He asks under his breath. Does he go with anyone?

It's gorgeous tonight, the sky darkening quickly in the winter hours, snow showing up bright against the sky and street lamps. The smells of hot wine and cider and baking cookies are floating around and Chuck's starting to feel the warmth in his fingers and around his chest.

It's...the best night Raleigh's had in a long time. Chuck's by his side and the sunset is beautiful and the drink makes him feel good and warm and like things aren't so terrible - at least for tonight.

"Yeah," he says quietly, wrapping his hand around the cup. "Usually work the booth - with Mako."

He doesn't come with anyone. He just -- comes, works, says hello, and goes home. It never really felt right without Chuck plastered against his side and bitching about the temperature.

"You don't just...come for the thing of it?" He can understand why he'd want to skip this year, there've been half a dozen people offering their condolences . Chuck can read Raleigh, even after all this time, and can tell it's grating on him--especially 'condolences', that's what people offer when someone dies--and Chuck's had to play the asshole and pointedly push a cup of wine at them.

He's surprised Raleigh didn't want to just come, he was always the one dragging Chuck out (though Chuck was pretending to object to it), the one getting excited about the holidays.

It’s really starting to grate on Raleigh and when Chuck plays asshole, he sort of sags, flashes him a grateful look and a mumbled thanks.

His question sort of throws Raleigh though, and he looks thoughtful, brings the cup to his lips and takes a long pull and swallows, shivering as the hot liquid burns its way down his throat and into his stomach. Tastes good, and it takes the bitter edge of his life away temporarily.

“Come just for the sake of coming? I did that first year, after you left for school. It was – fucking awful, standing out here alone in the cold. After that, I started volunteering to just run the booth. This time of year, it just hasn’t been the same—“

Since you left.

And now it’s even worse, with Yancy in the hospital. It’s like someone was conspiring against him to ensure that the holidays were the worst time of year that they could be.

Yeah.

Chuck looks away, guilt stabbing him a little in the belly. They're both feeling responsible for each other's misery, and it's sort of terrible.

He passes a hand over his back in response to the thanks, touch light enough that he might not even feel it through the layers. "The wine's helping," he offers, mouth quirked in a partial smirk. They probably aren't meant to be sneaking as much as they are, really.

But there's a look in Raleigh's eyes, if not fully on his face, that's telling Chuck how miserable he is. "Hey." He nudges him with his elbow. "New year in two weeks. New start."

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