It's been a while....

[simplepuzzle]

 It's been five years since Chuck left. Left his home, left his dad, left his dog, left Raleigh. 

And he hasn't looked back.

Because if he looked back he'd have to think about what he's left behind and if he thinks about it he'd have to do something about it. But it didn't work and they tried, they tried so hard. And it didn't make a damn bit of difference, so Chuck...throws himself into school. And he tries. 

Occasionally, he tries to date. A girl here, a guy there. Every time he tries to make an effort at a relationship it ends with a lot of anger. Chuck's not really good at this. Nothing's compared to Raleigh, and Chuck's not sure he'll ever have something like it again. And he refuses to settle. 
Love isn't everything. Chuck focuses on school. It's okay. 

And he's good. He's really good. That and the occasional one night stand satisfies him. 

And then he gets a call from Herc. Yancy's been in an accident. He's broken a few limbs, and he hasn't woken up. Herc isn't saying he should come back, and Chuck's been staring at Raleigh's number when Mako calls him. 
He needs you. 
Come home. 

Comments

[unbreachable]

Raleigh snorts into his beer.

"I'm not gonna stop you one way or another."

He hadn't before. He won't this time, either. Chuck's gonna do what he wants to do, no matter what anyone else says.

"It's up to you."

[simplepuzzle]

No, he wouldn't. Just like before.

"...yeah." Chuck digs his wallet out and pulls a few bills out. "Stay and eat," he says shortly, standing and picking up his jacket. "Take a cab."

He got Raleigh to get out of the hospital, and that's probably the best he's going to do.

[unbreachable]

And try to stop Chuck from his dreams? The fuck kind of asshole does Chuck think he is?

"Yeah, actually, you know what," he shoves his chair back and gets up as well, tossing his own cash down, "I've suddenly lost my appetite. But you go on and go, you're damn good at that."

He turns on his heel at that, and marches right out of the restaurant, leaving his jacket on the the chair.

[simplepuzzle]

"Fuck you!" Yeah, Chuck's not going to be welcomed back here. He grabs Raleigh's jacket and storms after him.

He throws it at Raleigh's back once they're outside, once he's close enough to do so.

"I left," he says, heart pounding in his ears and not bothering to keep his voice down. "I left this but I never wanted to leave you. That was all your idea, remember?"

This was a mistake, this was all a mistake, coming back, being with Raleigh--he should never have come back.

[unbreachable]

He turns, the jacket fluttering to the ground. It stays there.

"So what the fuck, Chuck? Did you expect me to just give up everything I had here and follow you like a puppy because you were too busy doing what you wanted to do? I was fucking in love with you -- I was gonna ask you to marry me and yeah, I thought about trailing after you." He's not bothering to keep his voice down either.

"I broke up with you, that's on me and I'll never deny it, but I did it because I was holding you back. You weren't ever coming back here and I was busy trying to get my own shit done and help Yancy get Jaz get through fucking college! I never wanted to lose you, Chuck! Christ--"

He flings his hands up, tugs at his hand before dropping them in exasperation.

"I'm still in love with you! It's pathetic!"

[simplepuzzle]

He--

Marry--

Chuck is floored.
And Chuck is pissed.

"Then you should have waited for me!" He shouts, hands clenched. "I would have waited for you to be ready to leave! Or--Jesus, i don't know, commuted!" Across the country, sure but--it could have worked. Six months, three months at a time.

"I was never going to ask you to follow me until you were ready," he continues after a long moment where he fails to collect himself. "Until i thought there might be a chance for you to come." He's tied, he's feeling so tired and angry at Raleigh for putting them both through this. He yanks his hand away from Raleigh's grip and takes a step back from him. "I don't think you get to say that to me right now." He doesn't get to say he broke up with Chuck 'for his own good' and still loves him.

[unbreachable]

"What, commute across the country? Are you fucking serious? How the hell would that have even worked out?! You would've been mad because I didn't want to move and I would've been mad you wouldn't come back!"

Raleigh feels like he wants to collapse and when Chuck yanks his hand back, Raleigh doesn't stop him.

"Yeah, you're right, 's all my fault, everything's my fault. I should've waited, should've let you be ready, should've let you fucking...commute when you felt like seeing me. You're right, I won't say that to you."

He bends, snatches at his jacket with trembling hands.

"I'm sorry I asked you out, and I'm sorry Herc and Mako guilted you into coming back to this shithole and dealing with someone you so clearly hate," he says. "I won't call you again."

And he's going to go get in a cab. This -- this wasn't worth it. He'd ruined everything and--

Forget it. He's going back to the hospital and going through some paperwork.

[simplepuzzle]

"I don't hate you, you idiot!" He's yelling again. "You--I came back because you were hurting, because I was worried about Yancy and i was worried about you, because Mako told me you were in bad shape, and i couldn't stand the thought of you worrying yourself to death!"

He doesn't know how much more of Raleigh he can take right now, of this bullshit.

"It's your fault we broke up because you insisted it was better for both if us," he snaps. "We would have worked it out." Or not, but now they don't know, do they? "I would've--" he wants.

"Nothing's your fault." Because he's going to beat himself up about that, Chuck just knows it. But Raleigh had needed him, and Chuck had come. He'll leave again, he'll move around the country and even the world if he can, but if Raleigh needs him he'll come running.

How's that for pathetic.

[unbreachable]

"I'm sorry!" Raleigh explodes, flinging his arms out on either side of him in exasperation.

"I fucked up! I'm sorry! I don't know what else you want me to say!" Because it is his fault, it is and nothing Chuck says is going to change that, or fix it.

"I told you, I wont-- call you again and I'll tell Herc and Mako to leave you alone when it comes to me, too. They should've never told you what was going on."

[simplepuzzle]

"I don't want you to leave me alone." It's sort of quiet. Sort of muttered.

Because no matter how much Raleigh says he's still in love with Chuck, he's the one breaking up with him, he's the one who doesn't want his help, he's the one who's upset Herc and Mako called him down there.

But he's angry and he's tired and he's going to his car.

[unbreachable]

They're already broken up, Chuck.

"What do you want, Chuck?"

Raleigh's anger is starting to melt away and he's starting to wilt.

"You've gotta -- tell me what you fucking want."

Chuck's not going to his car alone. Raleigh is following him.

[simplepuzzle]

Well he was the one who broke up with him five years ago.

He shakes his head as Raleigh follows him, but he opens the passenger door for him.
"I want to help you," he says, irritated. "I want to be here for you."

And he can't do that if Raleigh's going to resist any help.

....and he misses him. But he just made it pretty clear that he's not going anywhere, so he's not even going there.

[unbreachable]

He doesn't expect Chuck to let him in the car, but he opens the door and Raleigh stares at it, uncomprehending for a moment before he slides in, shutting it behind him.

He waits for Chuck to get in before saying anything else.

"Why? Because Mako and Herc told you to come?"

[simplepuzzle]

"Because I care," he snaps, slamming the door in after him. "You broke us up, that didn't make those feelings go away--you should know that."

No matter how much he tried.

[unbreachable]

He sort of leans forward on his knees, resting his face in his palms.

"If I could take it back, I would," he mutters.

He feels like he's being blamed all over again and he just --

"Take me to the hospital. Please."

Even if Yancy's in a coma, he's gotta see him. Talk to him, even if he can't respond.

[simplepuzzle]

Jesus, he was never blaming him, not really. They were miserable, there was nothing to he done.

"...I'm getting you something to eat before I let you go in." There's a couple places that do decent takeaway.

[unbreachable]

It feels like Chuck's blaming him.

It's your fault we broke up--

The words ring in his head and he just -- wants to get out of the car and he should've taken a cab.

"There's a McDonald's on the way." It's muttered, and he looks away, out the window.

[simplepuzzle]

Fine, 'fault' was a poor choice of words. It was Raleigh's choice. His decision.

"Is there anything better? The point is that you don't have to eat crap." He's not leaving you with a Big Mac and fries, Raleigh.

He should probably just shut up, though, let Raleigh do what he wants because Chuck doesn't have any place his life any more. He can't seem to remember that.

[unbreachable]

Raleigh is so tired and emotionally drained he doesn't want to argue.

"Subway."

Is a sub acceptable? He can eat half now, half later.

[simplepuzzle]

"Fine." Chuck will pull up in front of Subway and turn the car off.

He remembers another reason why he left for good other than his new life. The thought of being around Raleigh was too painful. He thought he could ignore that when he came back, if he was just there to help, but.

N o p e.
"I'll wait."

[unbreachable]

He makes himself get up, get out of the car and goes inside to get something to eat. He comes out with a turkey sub for himself, chips, as well as Chuck's favorite, because neither of them had eaten at the actual restaurant.

"Can eat it later, if you want."

He sets the bag in the backseat, leans back in his seat and drags his palm over his face.

[simplepuzzle]

Dammit, Raleigh.

"I never stopped loving you either, you know," he mutters, starting the car. "You think I came back because Mako made me feel guilty? I came back because I knew you were going to make yourself sick trying to do the right thing and staying by his bed. And feeling guilty, i don't even know the full details but I know you feel guilty because Yancy's in that bed and you're not." He's gripping the steering wheel tight, eyes ahead because he's driving and he can't afford to be distracted by Raleigh. "I know you, Becket, and I know you're going to fuck your own life up trying to keep everyone else's going and if I can't be here, just--let someone help." He pulls up by the hospital and affords a scowl over at Raleigh.

[unbreachable]

...Fucking hell.

He wants Chuck back so badly it hurts and if this keeps up he's going to do the worst thing in the world and fucking cry and there's no way he wants to do that in front of Chuck.

"It should be me," he agrees hollowly, feeling sick, feeling nauseated. "I was driving, it should -- be me."

He'd rather it be him. If he could trade places, make a bargain with the devil for his soul, he'd do it. He'd do anything for Yancy to get up, to be fine, to walk away.

Chuck pulls up and Raleigh's glad, because he's on the verge of losing his shit and he feels like throwing up, just a little. He'll have to eat his Subway later because right now, his stomach is all upside down and twisted up.

"Wish -- you could be here." Is all he says, before he pushes the door open and goes to get out.

[simplepuzzle]

"I want to be," he bites out. "And Rals--you know that's survivor's guilt, right? Neither of you should have gotten hurt and it's not your fault he is." Not that he thinks his words will have any impact.

He wants to pull Raleigh back and hold him until he stops being an idiot. About them, about Yancy, about any of it.

He's just pretty sure Raleigh would pull away.

"I'm still going to be in town for a week," he mutters. "If you need--anything." He's not leaving yet. He can't.

[unbreachable]

"I was driving." It was his fault, his fault.

"You can't though. You're just -- going to leave again."

He wants Chuck to hold him, he wants Chuck to make him stop being stupid. He wants help from him, but he can't -- let Chuck in. Not when he knows he's gonna leave, knows that there's someone back in Chuck's new, fancy life (that Raleigh isn't part of) that he's fucking around with, that he's sort of seeing.

He just -- can't. He can't let himself get too comfortable with him now, only to have what was left of his heart ripped out of his chest when Chuck inevitably left again.

"Yeah, thanks."

He's not gonna call, though. Not after tonight.